At the Rodent Specialist Center

by | Nov 10, 2020 | Brutus, News

Brutus was waved off on his journey south by hundreds of well-wishers and onlookers, all hoping for a speedy recovery and return of their beloved Chief. “The first couple of days at the RSC Brutus underwent a vast array of tests,” Stella said. She went on to say the doctors reported that Brutus did indeed have issues both big and small.

Stella said she worried about the news, but the doctors were so authoritative and obviously competent that she had high hopes. In fact, Stella said, one of the very competent doctors exclaimed, “We can rebuild him!” Stella of course is hoping that the bill won’t be $6,000,000, but you never know with healthcare these days. In any case, as time goes on, Stella remains optimistic. “He has already undergone many smaller surgeries” she said, of which are reported to have been successful. Now, she says, “We are awaiting the results of the major procedure which is called Ratamorphosis”. I couldn’t help noticing that at this point she did look somewhat anxious.

This Reporter looked into Ratamorphosis and, while the RSC declined to comment, determined that this is an extremely delicate, complicated, and controversial procedure. The RSC is the only specialist center of its kind and the only facility that has the equipment, staff and knowledge to carry out such a procedure.

Apparently, one of the most complicated and dangerous stages of the procedure is the Rodent Regeneration Process (RRP), which allegedly includes passing a tremendous amount of high voltage alternating current at regular intervals through the subject’s neural receptors.

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The RRP (photos not authenticated)

As was widely reported late last year, human doctors asked the RSC to approve outside use of their RRP research to see if it could help humans; the RSC said “Fek off!”

Yesterday we received word that Brutus had survived the Ratamorphosis and is well on his way to a full recovery. He is reportedly looking forward to hitting the beach for a little R & R and a joyful reunion with his beloved bride. Sources also noted that someone overheard Brutus saying that he felt like a spring chicken (all chickens were taken indoors immediately).


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